The Psychiatrist
by weaselwhiskers
Summary: Kurogane's coworkers force him to make a visit to a psychiatrist, Dr. Flowright, about his new lover.  And exactly what is Kurogane's lover anyway?  OOC.  AU.  Eventual Kuro/Fai
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Tsubasa Chronicle. It is copyrighted by CLAMP.

**_Authors' Note:_** This story was co-authored by fakiagirl and Shadow Neko Yumi. It was inspired by _A dummy's guide to proper courtship_ by Mizu-Tenshi. In Chapter 4, Perfect Innocence, there is this quote;

' "Since they fight a lot too, is Kurogane-san in '_that_' kind of relationship with Mokona too?"

"God no!" Fai slapped a hand across his mouth. '

. . . and thus KuroMoko was formed.

**Edit: **Shadow Neko Yumi is now weaselwhiskers. We wrote this when we were about 12 years of age, so I am in the process of editing the text, and perhaps adding some new chapters :)

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The Psychiatrist

Kurogane grunted as he plopped down on a dull blue-grey chair in a secluded corner. Angst radiated out from him, giving the other people in the waiting room the impression that a small storm was brewing over his head. A nurse entered the waiting room with a bright smile on her face, clipboard in hand. "The next patient is Kurogane!" she exclaimed, waving her hands enthusiastically as if she were announcing the next contestant for a game show.

Kurogane looked up and his angst-cloud seemed to expand another couple inches. Her fake smile grew as if to cancel out the angst that was threatening her cheerful waiting room. The depressed man rose slowly, the angst cloud drifting over his head as he dragged himself across the room. "Right this way!" the nurse said cheerily, gesturing enthusiastically towards the door behind her.

A blond man looked up from the mahogany desk that seemed to be the focus of the room. The man stood up, smiling genially. "Welcome to my office! I am Dr. Flowright." He extended his hand to Kurogane, who glared at the offending body appendage. Dr. Flowright left his hand extended for a moment, but decided to withdraw it when Kurogane's glare was turned onto the doctor's face. Dr. Flowright gestured invitingly at the chair across from his desk before sitting back down behind the piece of furniture.

"Thanks . . ." grunted Kurogane dismally, glancing at the nameplate on the desk, ". . . Fai."

"Oh, no!" Fai D. Flowright said happily, waving his hands dismissively. "No need to be formal; just call me Fai -" He paused for a moment before changing the subject. "So, is there something you wish to discuss?"

"No."

Fai inhaled deeply, leaning his elbows on the desk in front of him and steepling his fingers. "So, what was the reason for your visit?"

"My coworkers forced me to come here against my will."

"_Why _did your coworkers force you to come here against your will?"

"_Because _they don't _like_ my _lover_!" he snarled, slamming his hand down on the desk. Fai involuntarily jerked backwards.

"Tell me a little about your lover," Fai said, leaning forward on his elbows once again.

"Well, my sweet, sweet bean has smooth, pale skin that seems to glow in the moonlight. My sweet bean's voice is the most gentle, soothing sound I have ever heard. My sweet bean is graceful, kindhearted, petite, soft, angelic . . ."

Fai daintily hid his smile behind his hand. "How did you meet?"

Kurogane blushed at the memory, trying in vain to hide it. "It was a beautiful spring day. I was on my way home from work when I smelled the most alluring scent I had ever smelled. I followed the lovely aroma to a small corner café, where I saw my sweet bean for the first time, sitting all alone. The sight filled me with sadness, and, acting entirely on impulse, I picked up my sweet bean and brought my darling home. We have never been apart since."

"So, you . . . _kidnapped_ her?"

"No! My sweet bean loves me too!" Kurogane cried indignantly.

"Your sweet_ bean_ sounds very nice. Perhaps you should bring her along for your next appointment."

"But . . . my sweet bean _is _here!"

Fai suddenly sat up straighter. "Oh, _really_?" _This must be where the mental problems come in. _

Kurogane hesitated. "He's very shy . . ."

_Oh. _"But I would _love_ to meet him!"

"Erm . . . Mokona, sweet bean, I would like you to meet Dr. Flowright."

Fai's expression changed from encouraging, to incredulous, to horrified as Kurogane pulled a small, round, white object from his breast pocket. "A _manju_?"

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- End Chapter -


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Tsubasa.

**_Authors' Note: _**Yay! Chapter 2! Fakiagirl says that she doesn't care what I put in the authors' note, so I can write whatever I want. In case it wasn't clear in the last chapter, Mokona is a _real _manju in this story.

Enjoy! (Hehe, I had a teacher who used to say that before handing out tests.)

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The Psychiatrist: Chapter 2

**One week later . . .**

Fai quickly scanned the list of patients he was meeting with today. The next name on the list was "Kurogane." "Hmm," he mumbled to himself. _It's _that_ guy_, he thought. _The . . . _manju _guy. _

The door creaked open slowly. Fai looked up. "Nnmm," the man in the doorway grunted dismally.

"Welcome back!" Fai greeted him enthusiastically. "We are going to be playing a little _game _today!"

Kurogane turned to look at him. " . . . " He cautiously lowered himself onto the squishy chair, eye-ing Fai suspiciously.

Fai dramatically opened a drawer in his desk, pulling something out with a flourish. He placed it in front of Kurogane. "I want you to look at each person in these pictures and tell me what you think of them."

Kurogane looked at the magazine in front of him, and then at Fai. "Are you serious?"

Fai opened the magazine to the first page and looked at him expectantly.

Kurogane picked up the magazine and began impatiently flipping through the pages.

"No, no, no!" exclaimed Fai, grabbing the magazine and turning it back to the first page. "Study each picture _carefully_."

Kurogane stared angrily at him, annoyed. He pulled the magazine closer to him and glared at the first page. He looked up at Fai. Fai smiled brightly. Kurogane's scowl deepened and he turned the page.

Fai inspected Kurogane's face as he finished flipping through the magazine. Fai was disappointed. _What is wrong with him? How can he keep his face perfectly blank? A man as handsome as him . . . _

Kurogane slapped the magazine down on the mahogany desk.

_Well, considering his current love interest . . . _ Fai suddenly produced a large envelope. "How about _these_?" he asked, replacing the magazine with the envelope.

Kurogane spent the half-hour looking through pictures of every single type of person imaginable. For some reason, most of them seemed to be rather rotund and bald. Fai would often point out these pictures, somehow managing to fit the word "manju" into his explanations.

"Don't you find _any_ of these people even the _least_ bit attractive?" asked Fai exasperatedly.

"No!" cried Kurogane, outraged. "I am loyal to my sweet bean!"

Fai was at a loss. "Okay," sighed Fai. "Just look at _three_ more pictures."

The first one was of yet another manju-shaped man.

The second was of an exceedingly nerdy-looking girl, who for some reason had bright orange, spiked hair.

The last picture . . .

Kurogane's eyes widened. Fai sat up a little bit straighter.

It was a picture of the most beautiful person Kurogane had ever seen. They were sitting on a hilltop, the breeze gently wafting their pale gold hair. His azure eyes were accented by his wistful smile. His pale, soft skin rivaled even Mokona's. And for some reason, the man in the picture looked exactly like the one sitting across from him . . .

"Oh goodness," exclaimed Fai. "Now, how did _that_ get in there? Silly me!" And with that, he snatched the photograph out of Kurogane's hand.

Kurogane continued to stare at his empty hand before placing it in his pocket.

"Riiiiiiiiiiing!"

"Oh," said Fai. "The one hour for our appointment is up!" He reached over and turned off the timer on his desk. It was pale blue with silver, magical swirls decorating it. Kurogane stared at it, noticing it for the first time. "Instead of a normal appointment next week," suggested Fai, "perhaps we should go out to dinner together with our . . . _lovers_. That way I could get to know _Mokona _a little better, and we can talk about how your coworkers feel about your relationship."

Kurogane stood up hastily. "Sure," he mumbled, glad that his hour of torture was over.

"I'll see you next week, here in my office at 8 o'clock!"

The door slammed shut behind Kurogane.

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- End Chapter -

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**_Authors' Note:_** Thanks to everyone who reviewed! If you have any suggestions for our story, feel free to let us know! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Tsubasa.

**Author's note: **Sorry! This chapter took a long time! This one was a little tricky. Fakiagirl thought this was going to be the last chapter, but there is definately going to be one more. Maybe two more if I get any more ideas! Reviews and suggestions are much appreciated . . .

Enjoy!

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The Psychiatrist: Chapter 3

**One week later . . .**

Fai turned around as the door to his office creaked open. Kurogane entered the office, tugging at his necktie uncomfortably.

"Did you bring your . . . _sweet bean_?" Fai asked with a bright smile.

"Yeah . . ." he mumbled, his hand coming up to his breast pocket absentmindedly. He glanced at Fai. "Where's your date?"

"He's right here," said Fai cheerfully, withdrawing from his breast pocket a manju he had colored black with a permanent marker moments before.

Kurogane blinked at the blue bow on Fai's date before smiling courteously. "Hello there," he said kindly. "I'm Kurogane, and -" he pulled his manju out of his pocket, "- this is my sweet bean, Mokona." He paused, listening intently. "Hmm, your name is Mokona as well? It must be a common name."

Fai sweat-dropped, watching the "exchange"of words with a bemused expression on his face. He couldn't help but notice that the manju in Kurogane's hand had a red bow. "Well, let's be going!" He glided past his desk, grabbing his manju in one hand and Kurogane's arm in the other.

Kurogane was dragged out the door and thrown into the passenger's seat of a black Mercedes. Fai snatched the white manju out of Kurogane's hand and carelessly threw both manju-buns into the back seat. "Hey!" bellowed Kurogane. "Be careful!"

Fai jumped in the front seat and turned on the engine, backing the car out of the parking lot. Kurogane hurriedly fastened his seat belt, hanging onto the seat for dear life as Fai swerved to miss a car coming from the opposite direction.

As soon as the car was on the street, Fai turned to Kurogane with a big smile on his face. "So, now that we're such good friends-" Fai glanced at the road just in time to maneuver around a group of pedestrians crossing the street before turning back to face Kurogane. "- perhaps I should call you by a nickname, such as Kuro-puu or Kuro-rin?"

Kurogane glanced nervously at the terrified faces of the pedestrians just before replying. "No. My name is Kurogane."

Fai smiled quietly to himself as he swerved to miss another car, which emitted loud cursing noises. "Goodness, drivers these days! Hmm, Kuro-tan?"

After a bit of driving, they finally arrived at their destination. Kurogane opened the door to the back seat, bowing gracefully as he delicately retrieved his date. Fai swooped past, grabbing his own manju and Kurogane's arm once again. With amazing strength for his slight build, Fai dramatically burst through the double doors of the restaurant, Kurogane in tow.

"We have a reservation for four!" he cried to the person at the front desk. "Under Flowright!" he added, almost as an afterthought.

"This way," said the guy with the menus, showing them to a small table in a secluded corner.

A few moments later, their salad was placed in front of them by their waiter, Syaoran, according to the name-tag pinned to his vest.

Fai over-enthusiastically stabbed a piece of lettuce on his fork, somehow managing to knock over his wine, soaking Kurogane. Kurogane looked up, seething with anger, wine dripping from his hair into his eyes.

"Oh my!" cried Fai. "We must make you presentable, Kuro-klutz," he teased. He leaped out of his seat, dragging Kurogane off to the restroom.

"But- wait- my sweet bean-"

"Not to worry, not to worry."

Once in the restroom, Fai shoved Kurogane's face into the sink good-naturedly. Kurogane spluttered in protest as Fai scrubbed happily at his hair.

Back in the dining area, Syaoran had noticed the unattended manju-buns. His gaze kept wandering over to them as he served tables. Finally he couldn't take it anymore, and paused as he was walking past the table. He tried to tear his gaze away from them, but instead he found himself reaching for the white one. _Just one lick . . . maybe a nibble . . ._

Just then, Fai and Kurogane emerged from the restroom. They seemed to be bickering, but stopped the moment they saw Syaoran with the manju in his mouth. "Noooo! My sweet bean!" cried Kurogane, launching himself across the room, just as Syaoran bit down. He dropped the manju in surprise, and Kurogane knocked him out of the way in his hurry to reach his injured beloved.

"My sweet bean!" he cried broken-heartedly, clutching the manju to his chest. "Fai, call an ambulance!"

"Oh, there's no need," said Fai reassuringly. "I am also a medical doctor, the kind who is medical in their doctoring! It would be much faster if we just took him to my house."

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- End Chapter -

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**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And a special thank you to Zaika-Purr for the suggestion! I used part of it . . .


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Tsubasa.

**Authors' Note: **This is the last chapter! I'm gonna miss writing this with fakiagirl. T.T Review, please!

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The Psychiatrist: Chapter 4

After fifteen minutes of perilous situations involving near-crashes and explosions, they arrived at Fai's house.

Kurogane gaped at it in awe. _This is his _house_? What a beast!_ _How can he live off the money he gets from telling people they're insane?_

They carried the manju inside, using the napkin they had filched from the restaurant as a stretcher. They failed to notice the bicycle trailing behind them.

Fai led the way into his house, but paused in the entryway. "The best place to operate would be on the kitchen counter, but I'm afraid you must wait outside."

"_What?" _exclaimed Kurogane. "But-"

"No, no, it's absolutely necessary! You wouldn't want any _mistakes_, would you?"

"Well . . . okay," agreed Kurogane grudgingly.

As soon as Fai was in the kitchen, he quickly closed and locked the door. "Now, let's see . . ." he mumbled to himself and began rummaging wildly through the cupboards. Finally Fai turned to look at Mokona, sitting forlornly on the corner. "What am I going to do with you?" He thought for a moment, and then an idea suddenly came to him. "I'll go buy a new one! He'll never know the difference!"

He snuck out the back door and quietly slid into his car. He quickly backed it out of the driveway and speedily drove towards the nearest Japanese convenience store.

Meanwhile, Kurogane sat on Fai's couch, fidgeting anxiously.

Unknown to either of them, Syaoran was outside, pressed against the kitchen window, drooling at the manju.

Fai parked in his driveway, hopped out of the car, and sprinted to the back door. He raced inside, quickly hiding Old Mokona in a cupboard and pulling New Mokona out of his package. He placed it on the counter where Old Mokona had once sat. He thrust open the door. "Kuro-pii! Your snack- er, lover is good as new!"

Kurogane jumped out of his seat. "My sweet bean!" he cried.

Knocking Fai aside, he burst through the door and . . .

. . . sweat-dropped.

"Where is my _sweet bean_?" Kurogane twitched.

It was Fai's turn to sweat-drop. "Well . . . you see . . . heh . . .heh. He's in here." He opened the cabinet.

". . ."

"_Where_ is he?" asked Kurogane through clenched teeth.

Fai glanced nervously out the window. And did a double-take. "_What _is _that_?"

"Whatis _what_?" asked Kurogane, and then he noticed Syaoran outside the window, drooling on _his _manju. "MY SWEET BEAN!" cried Kurogane as he jumped out of the window.

"No, Kuro- "

Kurogane suddenly stopped in midair and ran to the back door.

"My bean princess . . ." murmured Syaoran as he lifted the manju to his mouth.

Kurogane knocked Syaoran over, snatching the manju out of Syaoran's hands. He gained possession of the manju and inspected it, murmuring, "My sweet bean, my sweet bean!"

Kurogane carried it inside, Fai following close behind, Syaoran still lying on the grass, sobbing.

Once inside, Fai offered to make some tea to "soothe Kurogane's nerves." Kurogane's only response was a grunt that Fai took to mean "Yes!"

When Fai came back out of the kitchen with a teapot, he saw Kurogane sitting at the table, studying his manju. "Is he okay?"

Kurogane ignored him and suddenly produced a knife.

Fai nearly dropped the teapot.

Kurogane carefully shaved off Syaoran's teeth marks. Then he very carefully cut the manju precisely down the middle and placed each half on plates that had suddenly appeared on Fai's table. He glanced up at Fai, who was clutching his teapot and staring at Kurogane in shock. "Well, what are you waiting for? Pour some tea, sweet bean."

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- End -

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**Authors' Note: **Thanks to all my readers! You get a cupcake for sticking with us this far!

**Edit: **I'm back, this time as weaselwhiskers. I'm currently editing this story a bit. Fakiagirl and I wrote it when we were about 12, so there were many grammar mistakes :) An epilogue and new stories should come soon.


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